Entrepreneurs wife with kids

Anniina Heikinheimo
August 2023

This is the famous dishrag

Earlier this year on a cold, dark and slushy day in Finland, I was home with our kids when my husband called from his business trip in U.S. I was still holding a wet dishrag in my hands as she shared details about his business trip such people he hat me and the lavish mansion he had just visited. The contrast to my situation was harsh because of the responsibilities at home with kids and managing own career weighted heavily on me. 

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I had chosen the role of a stay at home mom few years ago. Before we had kids, I supported my husband's decision to start his own business. However, I didn't understand the sacrifices back then, especially as he grew his business quickly. He missed out on the usual parental leave some other Finnish fathers enjoyed, always prioritising his business. It wasn’t completely his fault. Maybe he felt he couldn’t step away or perhaps I didn’t voice my needs enough. Or maybe it was a bit of both.

What made it more complicated was that our eldest child was quite sensitive as a baby and had difficulty sleeping during the first year. She was also attached to me and shy even around her grandparents. Even my attempts to take short breaks were challenging. I remember once when she cried for over an hour during a really rare night out I took with friends literally pulling me back home in the middle of dessert. I was pissed.

I've always been proud of my husband. He is kind-hearted and loving husband. But I often feel overshadowed. I want to grow in my career and find my identity beyond just motherhood. Over the past seven years, I've told myself this situation is temporary. But as the time flies, I feel stronger need for change. Also I have been proactive, working and even acquiring a new degree.

While we see many things eye to eye with my him, we differ in family dynamics. I value family time, while he is career-focused. I prefer sharing responsibilities, but his long hours makes it really hard for me to even work a post 5 pm job. I quite often feel like his

extensive work hours limit my job choices and sometimes exhaust me to the point that I'm hesitant to do any work. While I see the value of hiring help, which we are lucky enough to do so, I believe it shouldn’t always be at the kids expense. Since my husband can't be there in the evenings, I'm torn between being there myself or hiring help. I have to choose between my own time and spending time with my kids. It's a challenging decision for me. 

I really try my best to enjoy these moments with my children and I am 100% committed to their well-being even if my life isnt always how I had pictured my life to be. 

I am just thinking out loud....how can I transform these challenges into opportunities?